HAVE YOU FOUND YOUR WINGS? ARE YOU FLYING?
by Renee P. Aldrich
Have others recognized a gift in you and been encouraging you to go for it? Do you sometimes feel a yearning to pursue that thing that you love to do and seems to come natural to you? Have you been sitting in a job that you keep because you are afraid to move out of your comfort zone—even though you get depressed every Sunday night when you know Monday is coming? Are you still living safely at home with your parents even though you certainly earn more than enough to afford your own place? In the meantime you tolerate daily arguments with your mother on subjects ranging from your desire for more privacy, to her questions about your decisions and the hours you keep, rather than map out a strategy and a financial plan that will allow you to move.
If the answer to any of the above questions is yes, yet you continue to hold out not making any movement towards change; then I would suggest that you are not flying. You are operating just underneath the radar screen, afraid to take the leap to the ‘next level’ of your life. Many of us have not discovered that we have wings, or we know we have wings, but just don’t know how to start using them. Some of us have gotten discouraged by a negative incident or person and are stuck in complacency and believe there is no benefit in trying to take flight.
As women we often find ourselves facing any of the above situations. These are barriers, and they steal our courage, keeping us from exploring our capabilities, recognizing our gifts and using them. Unfortunately, the result is that too often it is sometime years before we gain the confidence to spread our wings.
I know of this first hand because I was a secretary for over 20 years—and not a very good one. It did not occur to me to even try to do anything different. I even told myself that I loved being a secretary or administrative assistant—it was easier to believe I loved the work knowing I was only mediocre at it, than it was for me to do what it took to discover what I could do and do excellently. I had been trained and therefore had the basic skills that a secretary needed; I could type, take shorthand, make travel arrangements. I also knew how to handle phone calls and greet people. But one of the most vital pieces of being a secretary or administrative assistant was being organized and keeping a boss organized; and this was a major challenge for me. Keeping up with files, and staying on task were two other aspects of being a secretary in which I fell through. Subsequently I did not get good reviews or evaluations, as a result of that, I begin to feel inadequate and developed very low self esteem.
Secretarial work paid well (especially in Washington, DC), so after I married and had children it was nice to have the contribution to my family’s income. Yet, the income still did not help me feel confident in my abilities, consequently I generally did not have the expectation that I could be better at this work. So I made lots of mistakes, and would make myself nervous by trying to hide the mistakes. The more I did wrong the less I thought of myself. I also felt the employers I had thought the same.
It never occurred to me that the reason I did not do well in the secretarial business was because there was something else I should be doing. Even though I had outstanding skills in other area (which is why I was able to keep the jobs) I did not see them as enough to make me outstanding. I had great customer service skills, I was a good writer and speller; often I would be asked my opinion on how things could be worded better in the context of a letter or a report—still I only focused on the things I did wrong. Subsequently I would leave the jobs to find another job with the same dynamics, and I always used my own negative thoughts about my performance to complete the same self fulfilling prophecy and vicious cycle for me.
In the meantime, friends were always telling me that I was very good with people, easy to talk to, a good writer and speaker; and in church I was always selected to MC programs, give welcomes and thank you speeches. Still I stayed in that negative pattern for years, every job I went on I would convince myself that I wasn’t going to do well, so I didn’t.
Finally through the help and encouragement of a mentor, and in a woman’s group I joined while working at a University, I begin to see some possibilities in my gifts. I was encouraged to apply for other jobs and to see myself functioning on a different level. I gained confidence in my ability to branch out. Consequently I got a job at a local newspaper, I started to do some freelance writing, and ultimately was also able to secure a position as a community health educator for a National Non-profit . The skills I did not previously recognize as valuable, have been instrumental in me receiving six awards over the last eight years for the work I’ve done for this organization.
The key to finding our wings and getting in position to take flight is recognizing ourselves as specially gifted creations of God with unlimited possibilities for our lives.
When I found my wings they were corroded over for lack of use and I had to work hard to get them shined up again and operating smoothly.. When I found the courage to take flight, I was astounded to discover the depth of possibilities that exist for me.
Do not let years go by before you ‘try your wings’. Close your ears to the negative self talk. Be open to accepting the reality of your gifts. There is a saying that goes ‘do what you love and the money will come’.
Too often in our community we have been indoctrinated to the fact that we must get jobs, earn a living, seek after lucrative employment; we are not taught to seek our passions and pursue them. Consequently we get on a tract that leads us to an income, but no fulfillment, like me we get locked into careers and find ourselves there 20 years wondering what happen to ‘excellence’.
Dust off your wings—take flight to your future,
“Mission for the Month:
Your mission for July should you choose to accept it is to spread your wings -- take the leap towards your independence. Consider acting on something you’ve been wanting to do; get out of your ‘sameness’, -- A woman entering a softer more loving relationship with herself understands that loving yourself involves having the heart to develop yourself, using your God given gifts to maximize herself. The better you are for yourself and to yourself, the better you can be to others.
Tips on pursuing this month’s mission:
· Pray for Guidance
· Map out a strategy to begin
· Seek a Mentor
· Research your options
· Prepare your environment for whatever impact the change may have
Renee is a Community Cancer Control Health Educator for the American Cancer Society, a writer of poetry and prose, and is free lance writer for the New Pittsburgh Courier. She can be reached at Tehreh06@aol.com or 412-414-1347
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